Tales Of Bill Brasky

BRASKY 4 FREEDOM

2006-02-03T11:35:00.000-08:00

"The Statue of Liberty" isn't a statue at all. It's just some chick Brasky got a number from, and she's frozen there in anticipation until he makes up his mind whether or not to call.

-Rog

BRASKYFEST IMMENSITY

2006-02-01T15:18:00.001-08:00

Bill Brasky was the one who came up with Manifest Destiny, fuck John L. O'Sullivan. It was Brasky.

-Fred W.

BRASKY'S EFFECT ON WOMEN

2006-02-01T15:18:00.000-08:00

Marilyn Monroe killed herself because Brasky stopped letting her jack him off.

-Jeffy

KNITTING A STORM BILL BRASK

2006-02-01T15:08:00.000-08:00

Bill Brasky can knit like a motherfucker, that's right. That bastard knitted this fucking thing:

Brasky's Work

-Pearl

TOE TAPPIN BILL

2006-02-01T15:00:00.000-08:00

Were you aware that Bill Brasky has 6 toes? Someone tried to cut them off but the toe rose up and killed him. I went to the funeral. Man, even Bill felt sort of bad about that one.

-Milo

WORLD TRAVELING BILLY B

2006-02-01T14:59:00.001-08:00

Bill Brasky drives a vehicle that was built from the bones of
men he's killed and is fueled by scotch.

Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky visited China?
I asked Brasky when his plane left, and Brasskey responded
"Only women fly planes! I'm Bill Brasky!" He then used my
garage door as a shovel and dug his way to China! He then ate
a huge poster of Mao and took a dump in Tienamen Square!

The phrase "No matter where you go, there you are" is actually
come down through the ages from an old Cherokee phrase that
translates:"No matter where you...shit, is that Bill Brasky?
AW HELL, RUN!"

-Mike L.

THE PEOPLE VS BRASKY

2006-02-01T14:59:00.000-08:00

Contrary to claims by previous posters, Brasky has never raped a woman. This is because the moment any woman sees Brasky naked all sexual activity from that moment on is considered consensual.

This legal precedence has even been upheld by the Supreme Court in the case of Brasky vs. The Satisfied

-Hon. S. O’Conner

REAR ENTRY BRASKY

2006-02-01T14:58:00.000-08:00

Bill Brasky invented anal sex. He didn't patent it because you can't patent awesome.

-Brian H.

A DRAWING BY BRASKY, PRICELESS

2006-02-01T14:57:00.001-08:00

Bill Brasky used to hand draw every frame of 'The Flintstones' in front of a live audience and the voices were produced with his farts. Hell of an organizer that Brasky.......

-Tim

BRASKY MASTER SEAMAN

2006-02-01T14:57:00.000-08:00

Bill Brasky once took me fishing in the South Pacific. I caught nothing, but Brasky managed to personally wipe out the entire sperm whale population of the region and towed the island of New Zealand back to his beachfront property in Northern California. Brasky then proceeded to use the natural resources of New Zealand to purchase the states of Oregon and Idaho from the United States government. Brasky now uses the land to house his bastard children from across the world.

-AgentRM

BRASKY IS THE NEW ANIMAL PLANET

2006-02-01T14:56:00.000-08:00

I once saw Brasky wipe his ass with a porcupine…and then he ate the porcupine!

-Jason

BRAWL THE BRASKY

2006-01-26T12:10:00.000-08:00

I punched Brasky in the face, and he cried and begged me to stop bullying him. When I woke up - this was obviously a dream, because nothing so ludicrous could ever happen in real life - Brasky was already standing there, because he can read dreams, and he beat my ass for the next three days. I have to say I deserved it.

-Jesus

BRASKY GOT GAME

2006-01-26T07:32:00.000-08:00

Brasky was over at my place watching a movie, and I turned to him to say, "Damn, look at that Scarlett Johansson! She's pretty smokin'!" While I was speaking I noticed that Brasky was no longer sitting by me, but he'd actually managed to metaphysically enter the film and had turned it into some kind of porn in which Scarlett was moaning the word "cowabunga" each and every time he gave her a multiple orgasm. This went on four about seven hours, and I didn't even know a DVD could hold that much video.

The strangest part was the movie was "Ghost World" (2001), meaning Scarlett was only 17 at the time. When Brasky came back out from the TV, I asked him if he was worried he'd get taken in for statutory rape, but he produced a signed contract from Mr. and Mrs. Johansson not only giving him permission to have sex with their underage daughter, but granting him a stipend of $25,000 for his efforts. That Bill Brasky - he sure got game.

-Rich

LEGENDS WITH LEGENDS ON THEM

2006-01-25T20:13:00.000-08:00

Pete Rose has a tattoo of Bill Brasky on his dick!

-Pete Rose's Son, Randy Rose

BRASKYLAND

2006-01-25T20:10:00.000-08:00

Bill Brasky invented the game candyland, and he took all the money and used it to purchase stolen russian uranium and black market body parts in Uzbekistan.

-Hal L.

BRASKY FOUGHT THE LAW, THE SONG IS WRONG

2006-01-25T20:08:00.000-08:00

Brasky has seen each and every episode of Law and Order and he can name all the guest stars in alphabetical order.

-Will

SECOND IN COMMAND? NEVER

2006-01-25T20:04:00.000-08:00

Brasky didn't invent the internet, but he did fuck Al Gore's Mom.

-Al Gore

A SPIRAL OF KNOWLEDGE

2006-01-25T20:01:00.000-08:00

BRASKY TOLD ME ONCE THE SECRET TO LIFE BUT I WAS TOO HYPNOTIZED BY HIS CHEST HAIR

-Samantha

READY AIM BRASKY

2006-01-25T19:55:00.000-08:00

The wildfires in california are all started by Brasky lighting his farts.

-Jeb

BRASKY ONLY COMES OUT AT NIGHT

2006-01-25T19:51:00.000-08:00

Bill Brasky's garbage got messed with by some raccoons, so he paid off some rival raccoons to slit their throats. Then the raccoons realized they couldn't use money because they were raccoons but it was too late.

-Sparky

HONG KONG BB

2006-01-25T19:45:00.000-08:00

The only reason the chinese use chopsticks is because Bill Brasky stole all their forks.

-Jack Burton

SILVER AND GOLD

2006-01-25T19:44:00.000-08:00

Bill Brasky coined the phrase 'Keep the Change'.

-Angela

POR FAVOR BRASKY

2006-01-25T19:43:00.001-08:00

One time, true story, Brasky and I went to taco bell and they gave Brasky a Bean burrito instead of a beef burrito and Brasky threw the Burrito at the Taco Bell guy so hard that the beans blinded him for life.

-Amigo

BRASKY THE NECROMANSER

2006-01-25T19:43:00.000-08:00

THAT CRAZY SON OF A BITCH BRASKY ONCE CONDUCTED A SPELL ON MY HOUSE TO RAISE THE DEAD IN MY LIVINGROOM, SCARED THE SHIT OUTTA THE KIDS I TELL YA

-Mark

WINTER WONDERLAND

2006-01-25T19:42:00.001-08:00

Did you know the Bill Brasky ran the iditarod...and HE was the sled?

The dogs were attached to his nipple rings and he never once complained.

-Eddy

EYE SEE U BRASKY

2006-01-25T15:31:00.000-08:00

I heard he likes to sneak into people's rooms at night, pop out their eyeballs, fuck their eye sockets. His babies grow in their brain until they get big enough to fight their way out and eat everyone else in the house.

-Erin

BRASKY THE BOSS

2006-01-25T15:17:00.000-08:00

Remember Bob Villa? Bill Brasky had him fired.

-Richard

CLASSIC BRASKY

2006-01-25T14:58:00.000-08:00

I saw someone open a door for Brasky once. I cringed back immediately, sure I was about to see the presumptuous fool get manslaughtered. Boy, was I wrong. Brasky didn't even notice what had happened, because three chicks were taking turns sucking on his dick as he walked. I guess it's possible to distract him. Oh, shit, nevermind. I just check my email and Brasky ran that door opener dude over and over again with his Jeep later on.

-Annie

BRASKY MADE TIGHTY WHITES

2006-01-25T14:56:00.000-08:00

Whenever Brasky buys underwear the brand goes out of business. That's why he has to send the ninjas.

-Peter

HAIR OF FURY

2006-01-25T14:52:00.000-08:00

The hairgel Brasky uses is a combination of Ipecac and Napalm, and is combed with the tail of a dragon from days lost yore. The last guy to touch it was incinerated immediately back to his primordial roots but branded with the Brasky name on his midsection. Except it is simply the letter B because it demoralized Bill's name and we CANNOT have that.

-Andy

NO QUESTIONS

2006-01-25T14:51:00.000-08:00

Brasky threw a party the other day and I asked him for a map to his place. He told me to hold on for a minute while he runs off and takes care of an "errand." I get a phone call 45 seconds later from the coroner saying my mom and dad had both been raped and murdered. The police found written on their walls, in a combinataion of blood and semen, "REAL MEN DON'T ASK FOR DIRECTIONS."

-Charlie

FAST FOOD? ONLY IF BRASKY WANTS IT FAST.

2006-01-25T14:46:00.000-08:00

When people at Wendy's tell Brasky to drive to the second window...he doesn't. He sits at the first window and makes Wendy come to him.

-Mark

KODAK MOMENTS

2006-01-25T14:25:00.000-08:00

I took a photo of Brasky once, and was instantly attacked by tall wooden indians that came to life. Apparently, he had cut a deal with them.

-Steve

BRASKY THE PRANKSTER

2006-01-25T14:22:00.000-08:00

Three weeks ago Brasky was acting surprisingly polite. He took me out to lunch and offered to housesit when I go on vacation in March. Turns out he was playing a little joke on me. Not only was the food laced with smallpox, but he had hired a team of lawyers to transfer all my assets to his name behind my back, so the place he'd be "housesitting" was actually legally his! At least he cut me a deal on rent as I live out my remaining days. That Bill, what a character!

-Larry

WORLD CLASS DRIVER B.BRASKY

2006-01-25T14:19:00.000-08:00

Like, did you realize that Bill Brasky owns 13 Hondas? He doesn't drive them, he just parks them in handicapped spots to piss off gimps.

-Chad

BRASKY IS THE MASTER OF BOARD GAMES

2006-01-25T14:15:00.000-08:00

This one time I thought I had Brasky beat in Monopoly. Just when he landed on my Park Place with a hotel with only one dollar left, he grabbed me by the neck and ripped the spine straight out of my body, then rode it around the horse like a pretend horse. Needless to say, I had to forfeit and the win went to Brasky.

-Phil

SINBAD WASN'T THE BEST HOUSEGUEST, GUESS WHO WAS

2006-01-25T14:06:00.000-08:00

One time Bill Brasky came over to my house uninvited. "Bill, I don't like the pop in," I said. Bill ignored me, sat on my cat, and insulted my grandmother. Then we all gave him 20 bucks from our wallets. That always happens when Brasky is around.

-Bitsy

THE UNIVERSE IS WISE OF BRASKY

2006-01-25T13:03:00.000-08:00

On alien planets, the tabloids are filled with stories about Brasky visiting them - in the spaceship he built himself out of tin cans, a used GameBoy and KY Jelly - then kidnapping and anally probing them just for sport.

-Phil

I ALWAYS KNEW OL BILL WAS A STAR

2006-01-25T12:56:00.000-08:00

On the Brady Bunch, the character of Cousin Oliver was actually played by Bill Brasky's left testicle

-Chris

I GIVE THAT A 10 FOR BRASKY

2006-01-25T12:55:00.000-08:00

OL BILL'S PENIS WAS USING AS A DIVING BOARD FOR HIS 5 YEAR OLD SON, AND ODDLY IT NEVER GOT WET

-Brian

OL BILL IS A MOUNTAIN MAN BY TRADE

2006-01-25T12:54:00.000-08:00

And then there was the time he went camping with me. He demanded we go to grizzly country, which seemed dangerous to me, but what are you gonna do, Brasky wasn't exactly one to compromise. So this giant momma bear and her cub approach us, growling up a storm. I was scared shitless and asked Brasky what to do and he said to calm down - he understood bear language, and all that was happening was momma was warning her baby not to feed the Brasky, for fear that he'd start stalking them, then anally rape both his mother and father...

Suffice it to say, the baby bear didn't listen, and offered Brasky a pinecone. Brasky ate it down in a single gulp and then proceeded with the raping his mother had warned him about. He even made me tape it and then whack off to it later on that night.

-Phil

BRASKY IS QUITE THE LADIES MAN

2006-01-25T12:53:00.000-08:00

bill brasky raped my mom but she LIKED IT

now I have a little sister who beats me because she's of Brasky's loins

-Meg

BRASKY'S A FRIGGIN ADONAS

2006-01-25T12:46:00.000-08:00

HEY THERE FELLA, YOU'VE FOUND OUR LITTLE BRASKY CORNER HERE, HELL OF A GUY THAT BRASKY, IF YOU GOT A STORY ABOUT THAT FANTASTIC SON OF A BITCH, EMAIL IT TO TALESOFBILLBRASKY@GMAIL.COM, HERE I'LL GET CHA STARTED (HIC)

Bill once told me that he had found the treasure of the god damn sierra madre, only problem is that BILL'S INNARDS ARE ACTUALLY MADE OF GOLD, YOU CAN IMAGINE WHEN HE PASSES GAS THAT PEOPLE RUN UP TO HIM LIKE A SLOT MACHINE HITTIN THE JACKPOT.

ANYHOO, ENJOY, AND HERE'S TO BILL BRASKY (clink)